I sit down at the study. Paper on the table and pen in hand.A wall staring at my face.I wait for a while and try to write something.Nothing comes for a while, and then suddenly...these words that I had scribbled months back, creep back from some eerie corner of my mind.
"Lost in time, lost in space.Losing my mind in different ways".
And then like a sudden bout, my mind is covered in a haze of emotions fighting and wanting an out.All I can do is pen down a tiny speck of what seems to be going on up there.
When you let go someone, it's not exactly like your world ceases to exist. Things are the same after a few days. The sunsets are still beautiful. It still is fun to hang out with friends and to bunk a class. You still will like music. You'll still want to look good. You still will enjoy the wind on your face. You'd still feel about Harry Potter the same way you used to. Good food will still entice you like before. The petrichor will be as good as ever. The sunny winter mornings will still make your heart skip a beat. You'll still feel happy over your achievements, and when you put a smile on someone's face, there still will be the warmth you feel.
However, you'll feel differently when you are quiet. Different. Not sad. You'll feel things you have never felt before. Like that irksome knot in your throat while you suddenly remember something, or that time when that song reminds you of them, and you realize that you have grown over the phase where you'd change the song. These days, you'd rather listen to it and let it pass. You'd feel a strange kind of tranquility and peace you'd seem to have made with yourself.
It'll come back at times. That restlessness. You will tend to find yourself thinking about the 'What Ifs'. There wouldn't be much you could do or feel about those things. One moment you'll be fine and the next moment you'll want to lose your mind. But that's how it goes, not being okay and yet, being okay.
"Lost in time, lost in space.Losing my mind in different ways".
And then like a sudden bout, my mind is covered in a haze of emotions fighting and wanting an out.All I can do is pen down a tiny speck of what seems to be going on up there.
When you let go someone, it's not exactly like your world ceases to exist. Things are the same after a few days. The sunsets are still beautiful. It still is fun to hang out with friends and to bunk a class. You still will like music. You'll still want to look good. You still will enjoy the wind on your face. You'd still feel about Harry Potter the same way you used to. Good food will still entice you like before. The petrichor will be as good as ever. The sunny winter mornings will still make your heart skip a beat. You'll still feel happy over your achievements, and when you put a smile on someone's face, there still will be the warmth you feel.However, you'll feel differently when you are quiet. Different. Not sad. You'll feel things you have never felt before. Like that irksome knot in your throat while you suddenly remember something, or that time when that song reminds you of them, and you realize that you have grown over the phase where you'd change the song. These days, you'd rather listen to it and let it pass. You'd feel a strange kind of tranquility and peace you'd seem to have made with yourself.
It'll come back at times. That restlessness. You will tend to find yourself thinking about the 'What Ifs'. There wouldn't be much you could do or feel about those things. One moment you'll be fine and the next moment you'll want to lose your mind. But that's how it goes, not being okay and yet, being okay.
True n awesomely written..! Exactly the same feel as mine..! Feel as if my thoughts n words are written... :) :D
ReplyDeleteThank you Aakruti. :)
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