Loving with all my heart is the only kind of loving I have done. I've let it knock out my senses and leave me in a daze. I've let the smiles capture so many breaths of mine, that one day I stopped counting. People have told me I love a little too much. People have told me these people I love so much are going to be gone one day. Some will fade away and some will leave in a flash. Some of them I’ll walk away from and some of them I’ll shut out. And I've told these people that they are right. Yet today, I love like it is the most completely honest thing I've done with my life.
I don’t understand how someone can love a little or how someone can love someone ‘kinda’. How can someone love just half of someone? I haven’t heard someone say I love her half-smile or how it feels perfect to fit half of their fingers into their half-palms. Love comes in wholes. What comes in halves , two-thirds and one-fourths are doubts, egos and torn photographs. I've loved whole. I've loved every wrinkle on their foreheads, each gesture of their hands. I've loved how they look after a long day at work. I've loved them when they wake up in bed an hour late with messed up hair. It’s a little funny though that I've been told I love a little too much.
Half-love is like half done poetry. Untrue and not beautiful. How will I notice the hair-pin bends of their smiles? How will I know how they are feeling today by just looking at way they shuffle their feet while standing? How will I get to remember the little details of how their noses cringe when they laugh? How will I memorize how they look before a kiss? How will I do all this by not loving someone till it is a lot more than enough? Hence, I shall love a little too much.
They’ll think I love them like I love words, or like I love to travel. They might even come to believe that I love them like the soils love the first rain. I’ll tell you a little secret here, though… I love them a little more than that. I love them a little more than they think I can. I long for their voices a little more than I pretend to long for. I’ll hug them a little tighter and a little longer than they think I will. I will love them a little more than that. I will love a little too much.
Those last four lines exactly describe the state of my heart right now and it is not for the first time that something like this has happened. You do that every time.
ReplyDeletePeople might think that you've been spying on me, but the truth is that you're becoming an expert in surgery! The kind of surgery I had described earlier, remember?
:)
I'm so glad you like this. About the spying, well, I think every heart can spy on another. What is important is not the knowing, but having the courage to accept to know what the other heart wants, even if it isn't pretty. :)
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